Posted by: bravo22c | 13/02/2010

Life in the centre lane.

Sometimes, my job is not too bad.

Thought I’d write a bit about life, the universe and everything. Been knocking abround this old world for close on sixty years and, though I moved out of the slow lane many years ago, I can’t say that I really live in the fast lane, apart from the odd time when I pull out, cruise along at apeed for a bit, then drop back again 🙂

Some of the things I’ve learned;  all women use your full name when they are telling you off. And they all do that thing where they cock one hip higher than the other and put their hands on their hips palm-out while they’re reminding you of all your faults and how you’re always doing that!   Even if the last time you did it was ten years ago. So much for the racists and religious fanatics.  Doesn’t matter where you come from or what foot you kick with, trying to face down an angry woman who’s half your size shows that we’reall the same stock.

All women are beautiful.  Men, if you know a woman who you think is not that beautiful, try one of two things; tell her she is, or give her a red rose, and watch what happens.

When you’re trying to get into a woman’s knickers, politeness and good manners beat a smooth chat-up line every time.*

The vast majority of women actually like men – they just don’t want them around all the time.

However, when they do want you around, you’d better be there.

If a woman forgets her wedding anniversary just once, you’re bomb-proof for life.

If you’re a man, it’s always your fault, learn to live with it – and buy flowers.

Things you should never say to a woman…………………

‘No, the dress is fine, it’s your fat that’s making you look fat.”

“Yes, dear, I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“Oh, have you had it done then?” (Talking about her hair.)

“I don’t need to ask directions!” …………………..I’m sure you can think of a few more…….. Ladies?

* I was married for 23 years. This item refers to ‘before,’ and ‘after.’

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